Phuh.. An overwhelming gash of emotions run through me as I sit at the gate of Helsinki International Airport, ready to start my journey towards Santiago de Chile. As many of you already know, my roots take me back to Colombia, and a few of you have heard over and over again my whining of how I want to get away from Finland and find out who I really am. I know I'm very Finnish, but the little Colombian inside me needs to know how it feels like to actually live in South America and to see, if there is still a hint of Latina in me. My parents are used to my 'manana, manana' attitude, very characteristic to a Latina, but I want to, and need to, know if there's more to it than that. After 20 years of wanting to discover the Latin part of me, I have finally been granted the opportunity to learn more about my past by embarking on a journey of a lifetime.
Now how exactly is this possible? Last autumn I was lucky enough to be accepted to study Tourism in Laurea University of Applied Sciences and being a multicultural study environment, they were very keen on sending their students abroad on international study exchanges. I chose Chile as my destination. Early this year, after a loooooong wait, I found out that I was accepted for this exchange program! After a lot of running around taking care of errands and a whirlpool of mixed emotions I am finally coming to terms with my lifelong dream coming true.
It's actually very difficult trying to explain the emotions I'm going through to someone that doesn't feel so strongly about a certain place, but let me tell you, when you have been dreaming of something for over 15 years, it is very hard to believe that this dream is finally coming true. When still in Finland, I went through a rough roller-coaster of emotions because leaving was actually a lot harder than I expected it to be. I realized that even though I will only be gone fro a year, the amount of goodbyes to say was huge. While at the same time it is unbelievably sad to say bye to your friends and loved ones, it is also a nice feeling to know that you have influenced these peoples lives because it's so hard to let go. I once learnt a saying: 'To miss someone is to care about someone' - this is exactly how it feels. The harder it is to leave something - and someone - behind, the more you know that you are loved and that there is always a reason to go back.
After a lot of tears, doubt of whether I was doing the right thing and mixed emotions, I finally got on the plane and started my journey. Now I'm staying with my mom for a few days as a 'pit stop' and having the best time in a long time (because let's face the truth, I don't see her much and definitely not as much as I would like to), and then on Tuesday evening I will be spreading my wings and heading off to Chile where there will be a whole lot of new things to learn and to experience. A chapter in my life that I have been waiting forever to be written and now, it will be and the best part, I get to be the author and I hope this will be a chapter of lots of laughs, adventures and emotions of belonging and finding out who I really am and where in this world I belong.
Vaya con Dios,
check in later again,
yours, Maria
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